I'm tired
I'm tired of trying to fit in
The hardest part of trying to fit in is not knowing why.
WHY?!? Why do I want to even try?
Because I wasn't ready to accept the fact that nobody likes me.
And why does nobody like me?
Well I don't know, but I have 4 suggestions to why they don't like me
1.) I'm very awkward to talk to, every time they talk to me, I just run out of words to say, and I don't think anyone likes that...
2.) they met my mother before meeting me, you see, as people meet your parents, they automatically think that you act like them and they would think that I have my parent's personality, but I have a WHOLE different personality, they just didn't make the time to get to know me...no one does
3.) I'm on the thick side, and not many people like a fat friend, why on earth don't you like a fat friend? Is it embarrassing?well, all it made me feel was think that I was fatter than I really am
And last but not least
4.) I'm no use to them...I have no idea WHY I want to help them do something when I ALWAYS know that they're most likely not planning to do the same for me? Why do I trust people so much? What is wrong with me?
Well, 2 years ago, I wouldn't have face the fact, but let's face it...no one likes me or wants to be my friend because they NEVER have the time to WANT to know me. I will never meet a person who feels like they NEED to know me more than they want to, EVERYWHERE I GO, people are just acting like they want to know me, well it ain't acting anymore, it's like they have to...i'm not forcing anyone but WHY? I ask myself everyday WHY?
I just get depressed, EVERYDAY, for no reason at all and I don't know how to fix it, and when people asks me questions and I stutter and talking with a blanked out mind, they just walk away, when do I get to find a person who is willing to stay and try to ask the same question over and over again until I answer it right? Why do they walk away? Am I annoying, why do they talk to me only when they need something from me, they don't want to know me, the only reasons people talk to me is because they're trying to make another person become their friend, trying to pretend to care but really just wants to know your secrets so that they can tell everyone else, trying to make me spy on other people, and the next thing you know, they just WALK AWAY, and I keep asking myself, WHY DO I PUT UP WITH IT? Why do I do what they ask? I just do what they asked, they "show" their appreciation and just throws me out, forget me, never talk to me,couldn't care less and all until they want something again....
I am SICK AND TIRED of this, I just want it to end RIGHT NOW, I just want a friend, and I don't even HAVE ONE. The one you talk to about everything, the one that you'll cry if they ever leave you, the one that you will never forget...
I don't even think that I ever had an actual decent friend to call my ACTUAL best friend
I think of this everyday and I have NOBODY to talk to about this, not even my parents, everyone seems to hate listening to my problems, so I stopped trying basically ANYTHING.
This is Krystal, reporting my problems to this blog, have fun with life, the worse that can happen to you is going to hell.
Wednesday 18 April 2012
Monday 30 January 2012
Jesus at His best
Yesterday night, while I was trying to sleep, it was 3:30AM and it was pouring rain.
I currently sleep in the living room, still waiting for my room to be done.
SUDDENLY, I heard a door open, and it sounded like my Parent's bedroom's door, but I looked up to see if anyone opened the door, no one was there. After 5 minutes, the same sound again, and this time, there was footsteps...
The sound was getting closer and closer to where I was sleeping and it was TERRIFYING!! I was hiding underneath my blanket with my stuffed animal, Patrick, and I heard the footsteps getting softer as if it went back to my Parent's room, then I looked up again, and still NOTHING!!
The same sound repeated for at least 15 minutes, getting closer to me and going back to my parent's door.
As it got closer to me for the last 5 minutes, I sent a prayer to Jesus to Protect and shield me from harm and evil spirits. I said in my heart:"get out of this house RIGHT NOW, in Jesus Name, Amen" I repeated myself for 5 minutes and after that, the footsteps stopped and honestly, it might not be to you, but to me, That was what I called Jesus at His best, performing miracles and protecting me.
When I prayed, I felt so calm, my heart went from beating rapidly to slowing down. I felt at ease that nothing would harm me as long as I had Jesus by my side and in my heart.
Thank You Jesus, I Love You :) Ever since my first day at church when I was 8 and always will :)
I currently sleep in the living room, still waiting for my room to be done.
SUDDENLY, I heard a door open, and it sounded like my Parent's bedroom's door, but I looked up to see if anyone opened the door, no one was there. After 5 minutes, the same sound again, and this time, there was footsteps...
The sound was getting closer and closer to where I was sleeping and it was TERRIFYING!! I was hiding underneath my blanket with my stuffed animal, Patrick, and I heard the footsteps getting softer as if it went back to my Parent's room, then I looked up again, and still NOTHING!!
The same sound repeated for at least 15 minutes, getting closer to me and going back to my parent's door.
As it got closer to me for the last 5 minutes, I sent a prayer to Jesus to Protect and shield me from harm and evil spirits. I said in my heart:"get out of this house RIGHT NOW, in Jesus Name, Amen" I repeated myself for 5 minutes and after that, the footsteps stopped and honestly, it might not be to you, but to me, That was what I called Jesus at His best, performing miracles and protecting me.
When I prayed, I felt so calm, my heart went from beating rapidly to slowing down. I felt at ease that nothing would harm me as long as I had Jesus by my side and in my heart.
Thank You Jesus, I Love You :) Ever since my first day at church when I was 8 and always will :)
Sunday 29 January 2012
Dreams WILL come true
Hey Guys :)
A few short 7 years ago, I actually decided what I wanted to be......I was 8. I would say I'm a bit more mature than other 8 Year old's back then. I realized things that the others didn't and I learned A LOT at that age, but I wasn't quite matured enough but I'd consider myself mature at that age, I was exposed to A LOT of different things and those things made me think that I should probably consider planning my future now.
So, I stuck to it.
Believe it or not, I still stuck to the same thing that I planned when I was 8. Which was becoming a successful surgeon.You can't say that many 8 year old decides what they wanted to be and stuck to it. But forget about that, this post is not about bragging.
I just want to get ONE point straight. FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCT!!! You don't know what you got till it's gone, right? I had a lot of opportunities when I was 9-13 years of age and I just let my cowardly self pass them. Although back then I thought it was a good idea to be a turtle and hide in my shell whenever a good opportunity pass by, I am starting to realize that you only get to live ONE life on earth, God didn't tell you to be a coward, He told you to be bold. I just dropped out of school and now I'm prepping myself to study medicine, I know that I'm still young but I decided to not let dreams just be dreams and work my butt off. Just WORK your butt off now, it pays off in the end. Yes, it took A LOT of convincing for my parents to FINALLY be at the same side as me. But I can't say that they'll be supportive 95% of the time. I realized by dropping out of school and pursuing my dreams, I have to sacrifice A LOT, like leaving friends, activities and all those kind of stuff, but I want to be who I want to be and that's myself and no one can change that.
JUST FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!! :)
A few short 7 years ago, I actually decided what I wanted to be......I was 8. I would say I'm a bit more mature than other 8 Year old's back then. I realized things that the others didn't and I learned A LOT at that age, but I wasn't quite matured enough but I'd consider myself mature at that age, I was exposed to A LOT of different things and those things made me think that I should probably consider planning my future now.
So, I stuck to it.
Believe it or not, I still stuck to the same thing that I planned when I was 8. Which was becoming a successful surgeon.You can't say that many 8 year old decides what they wanted to be and stuck to it. But forget about that, this post is not about bragging.
I just want to get ONE point straight. FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCT!!! You don't know what you got till it's gone, right? I had a lot of opportunities when I was 9-13 years of age and I just let my cowardly self pass them. Although back then I thought it was a good idea to be a turtle and hide in my shell whenever a good opportunity pass by, I am starting to realize that you only get to live ONE life on earth, God didn't tell you to be a coward, He told you to be bold. I just dropped out of school and now I'm prepping myself to study medicine, I know that I'm still young but I decided to not let dreams just be dreams and work my butt off. Just WORK your butt off now, it pays off in the end. Yes, it took A LOT of convincing for my parents to FINALLY be at the same side as me. But I can't say that they'll be supportive 95% of the time. I realized by dropping out of school and pursuing my dreams, I have to sacrifice A LOT, like leaving friends, activities and all those kind of stuff, but I want to be who I want to be and that's myself and no one can change that.
JUST FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!! :)
Listen
Take a breath
The unexpected might come biting into your flesh
Feel the morning breeze
Sleep at night feeling at ease
Always be alert
You'll never know when loved ones might get hurt
For I'm telling you from experience
I never had parents who listened
Cherish every living moment
For one life ends and comes a new infant
We don't know much
But live every moment,don't keep your opened door shut
I may be younger than you
But I understand much more than you do
Neglect is a form of cruelty
That's what I got since I was a baby
To all the parents out there
Keep your child safe and be aware
Robbers will come and steal
And they would not care how you feel
Find that ship,owned by God
Tell Him everything and climb on board
Although this poem is ending soon, my story will never end
It'll keep reaching out to one another as far as it can
Let's face it, we all need a helping hand
The unexpected might come biting into your flesh
Feel the morning breeze
Sleep at night feeling at ease
Always be alert
You'll never know when loved ones might get hurt
For I'm telling you from experience
I never had parents who listened
Cherish every living moment
For one life ends and comes a new infant
We don't know much
But live every moment,don't keep your opened door shut
I may be younger than you
But I understand much more than you do
Neglect is a form of cruelty
That's what I got since I was a baby
To all the parents out there
Keep your child safe and be aware
Robbers will come and steal
And they would not care how you feel
Find that ship,owned by God
Tell Him everything and climb on board
Although this poem is ending soon, my story will never end
It'll keep reaching out to one another as far as it can
Let's face it, we all need a helping hand
Tuesday 24 January 2012
T-shirts and freedom
What i see is my old t shirt
It is dirty I guess I must be more alert,
Never mind about the mess
How did it get there?dirt, you oughta confess
Why?
First of all, the t shirt's white
Second of all
I can't wear this now streaming down the hall
I planned to wear it to school,
And now i can't All because of a couple fools
What you got to get nagged?
All you need is your brain to be checked
Haters gonna hate
Gonna keep my faith
Tell yourself you're going fishing and using them as bait
You can't do nothing bout it
Just go to the park and find a place to sit
Make it to heaven
Find a microwave oven
And bake some cupcakes
Make that half a dozen
Why you gotta be so mad
Ending your life you know that's so sad
A million more things to do
Find a pack of gum and found one in your shoe
Yes this is a poem that I wrote
Isn't it Better than rowing your boat?
I just got ask to put lotion on my feet
Without using my hands and sitting on my seat
That was kinda random
But you know you wanna make it to stardom
Just talk to my man Jesus and He will give you your freedom
This poem is going to end soon
So take it from Frank Sinatra and fly me to the moon
If you don't, I'll force feed you a couple prunes
Record the sound and put it on iTunes
The end
It is dirty I guess I must be more alert,
Never mind about the mess
How did it get there?dirt, you oughta confess
Why?
First of all, the t shirt's white
Second of all
I can't wear this now streaming down the hall
I planned to wear it to school,
And now i can't All because of a couple fools
What you got to get nagged?
All you need is your brain to be checked
Haters gonna hate
Gonna keep my faith
Tell yourself you're going fishing and using them as bait
You can't do nothing bout it
Just go to the park and find a place to sit
Make it to heaven
Find a microwave oven
And bake some cupcakes
Make that half a dozen
Why you gotta be so mad
Ending your life you know that's so sad
A million more things to do
Find a pack of gum and found one in your shoe
Yes this is a poem that I wrote
Isn't it Better than rowing your boat?
I just got ask to put lotion on my feet
Without using my hands and sitting on my seat
That was kinda random
But you know you wanna make it to stardom
Just talk to my man Jesus and He will give you your freedom
This poem is going to end soon
So take it from Frank Sinatra and fly me to the moon
If you don't, I'll force feed you a couple prunes
Record the sound and put it on iTunes
The end
Saturday 21 January 2012
Games
This is a poem.
Downloading a game now,
feeling kinda left out,
'Cause I'm downloading this game,
I have nothing to do and feel so lame.
We could do a lot,
but we choose not to cause we're just so bored.
I like games,
but I also like paper cranes,
They just so cool,
Flapping their paper wings acting like a fool.
What happened to Uno or Monopoly?
The good ol' games that I have no one to play with, unfortunately.
Cause I'm flip Flip fly,
ain't got time to talk just hi and bye.
Oh yes, I just quoted Minaj,
But I also know someone called Henry Raj,
Yes, he is not real,
I just made it up, Cause that's what I feel.
Someone should have a name like that,
So when he or she look back,
They Be like OHHH OHHH
Yes that's my name,
OhhhOHHH
Yours too lame.
Well, what do you know?
My game won't load,
I'm in rage
Someone should lock me up in a water tight cage.
-Krystal
Downloading a game now,
feeling kinda left out,
'Cause I'm downloading this game,
I have nothing to do and feel so lame.
We could do a lot,
but we choose not to cause we're just so bored.
I like games,
but I also like paper cranes,
They just so cool,
Flapping their paper wings acting like a fool.
What happened to Uno or Monopoly?
The good ol' games that I have no one to play with, unfortunately.
Cause I'm flip Flip fly,
ain't got time to talk just hi and bye.
Oh yes, I just quoted Minaj,
But I also know someone called Henry Raj,
Yes, he is not real,
I just made it up, Cause that's what I feel.
Someone should have a name like that,
So when he or she look back,
They Be like OHHH OHHH
Yes that's my name,
OhhhOHHH
Yours too lame.
Well, what do you know?
My game won't load,
I'm in rage
Someone should lock me up in a water tight cage.
-Krystal
Friday 20 January 2012
Poem about Random
I got up late when I was suppose to get up at eight,
guess no one is perfect
when you think about it.
Well what do ya know,
I have ten toes.
Should you judge me or
judge who I'll be,
I'll send a prayer to God because that's the most powerful thing I've got. Chances are of me sleeping is just impossible since I'm typing.
My favorite game is jet pack joyride so you better know what I did with my life. Are you kidding
you haven't been eating?
Oh come on you know you beautiful, just say that, it worked for me too, how long was this thing I better stop right this instant,
because I'm getting of now to dream about Danny phantom
-Krystal
guess no one is perfect
when you think about it.
Well what do ya know,
I have ten toes.
Should you judge me or
judge who I'll be,
I'll send a prayer to God because that's the most powerful thing I've got. Chances are of me sleeping is just impossible since I'm typing.
My favorite game is jet pack joyride so you better know what I did with my life. Are you kidding
you haven't been eating?
Oh come on you know you beautiful, just say that, it worked for me too, how long was this thing I better stop right this instant,
because I'm getting of now to dream about Danny phantom
-Krystal
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